Why Bully Victims Suffer in Silence

Fromthetimeshestartedschoolthroughsixthgrade,TrishMcClunewasbullied.Kidscalledher"Tissue"andwipedtheirnosesonherclothes.Once,herbestfriendpunchedher.Evenhercousinsandsistergotinonthegame,forming"WHEAT"—the"WeHateEverythingAboutTrishClub."

"ThereweretimeswhenI'djustsitoutsidebymyselfatrecess,"McClune,now31andacommunicationsassociateinLancaster,Pa.,toldLiveScience."Justsitoutsideandpickthegrass,becauseIfeltliketheworldhatedme."

Despitethetorment,McClunedidn'ttellhermotheroranyotheradultsaboutthefullextentofthebullyingsheendured.Shedidn'tthinkitwoulddoanygood."Itwaslike,'What'sthepoint?'"McClunesaid.

McClune'sreactionisn'tunusual.Studieshaveshownthatnondisclosureisacommonchoiceamongbullyingvictims.

Recentresearchhaspointedtoracialandculturalconcernsinfluencingwhetherkidschoosetotell;schoolstructurematters,too.Oftenkidsthinktellingwon'tdoanygood,orthatthebullywillretaliateiftheytattle,saidSusanSwearer,aprofessorofschoolpsychologyattheUniversityofNebraska,Lincoln.

Andsometimesthey'reright,SwearertoldLiveScience.

"Kidswilltellus,'Itoldwhatwasgoingonandnothinghappened,'or'Itoldwhatwasgoingonanditgotworse.'"Swearersaid."Soadultreactiontothebullyingthat'stakingplaceisreallycritical."

Secretbullies

Thenumberofkidswhotellsomeoneaboutbullyingdiffersbasedonwhenandwherestudiesaredone.One1995studypublishedinthejournalEducationCanadafoundthatamongCanadianschoolchildren,aboutone-thirdofbullyvictimsnevertoldanadult.A2005studyofDutchelementaryschoolstudentsfoundthatnearlyhalfofbullyingvictimsdidn'ttelltheirteachersaboutthebullying.AmongDutchchildrenwhowerefrequentvictims,25percentkepttheirexperiencesfromadults,theresearchersreportedinthejournalHealthEducationResearch.

Finally,ina2009surveyofmiddleandhighschoolstudentsconductedbytheGay,LesbianandStraightEducationNetwork,62.4percentofbulliedgayandlesbianteensdidnotreporttheharassmenttoschoolofficials.Justoverone-thirdofthosewhohadreportedthebullyingsaidthattheschoolstaffdidnothinginresponse.

Reasonsforsecrecytendtofallintooneofsevencategories,accordingtoa2005reviewofresearchbyUniversityofTorontosocialworkers.Thecategories,reportedinthejournalChildrenSchools,were:

*Thecloakofsecrecy:Bullyingoftenhappensoutofadults'sight,insettingssuchashallwaysandschoollunchrooms.Thus,bullyingstaysbetweenthevictim,thebullyandpeerbystanders.

*Power:Bullyingismarkedbyoneparticipant—thebully—possessingmorepowerthantheother,whetherthatpowerisrealorperceived.Childrenlearntogainpowerbyaggressionandtoacceptwhenotherswieldaggressivepower.Soa"weak"victimisnotlikelytotattle.

*Self-blame:Victimsmayfeelshameandblamethemselvesfortheirsituation.Onegirltoldtheresearchersshewasatfaultforhervictimization,becauseshewas"alittlechubby."

*Retaliation:Tosomekids,thelogicissimple:Tellanadultandmakethebullymadder

*Vulnerability:Kidswhoarebulliedareoftenlessacceptedbytheirpeersandmaystrugglewithsocialskills.Theymayyearnforacceptancefromtheverypeoplewhotormentthem.

*Fearoflosingafriendship:Sometimestherelationshipbetweenbulliesandvictimsisn'tsostraightforward.Ifthevictimcountsthebullyasafriend(orwantstobehisorherfriend),tellingmaynotseemlikeanoption.

*Fearadultswilldonothing:Kidsmaybeskepticalthatadultscan,orwill,takestepstostopabully.

Complicatingfactors

Ontopofthosereasons,thechild'sowncharacteristicsmayplayarole.Reportingharassmentmayputachildinthepositionofhavingtohighlighthisorherowndifferences.Forexample,childrenoftransracialadoptionareoftenloathetodiscussracialharassmentwiththeirwhiteparents,saidSaraDocan-Morgan,aprofessorofcommunicationstudiesattheUniversityofWisconsin,LaCrosse.

Docan-Morgan'sresearch,reportedonlineOct.27intheJournalofSocialandPersonalRelationships,findsthatKoreanadultadopteeswithwhiteparentsoftenfacedrace-relatedbullyingaschildren,butmanynevertoldtheirparents.Manyfelttheirparentswouldneverunderstand,beingwhiteandthusnotsubjecttosimilartaunts.Otherssaidjustbringingupthebullyingwaspainful.

"Theyreallywantedtoblendinandfitin,"Docan-Morgansaid."Sobringingupthistopicof'I'mbeingteasedaboutmy

race'obviouslymakesthemstandoutandhighlightsthefactthattheydon'tblendinwiththeirfamiliesandtheircommunity."

Similarstumblingblockscouldstandinthewayofbulliedgayandlesbiankids,saidRitchSavin-Williams,aCornellUniversityexpertonadolescentdevelopmentandsexualminorityyouth.Whethergayorstraight,kidstendtogetteasedforfailingtoconformtogendernorms,Savin-Williamssaid.Sincetheissueisfraughtwithhomophobia,reportingthistypeofteasingmaybeespeciallytoughforkids.

"Theassociationisgayness,"Savin-Williamssaid."Soaboyisprobablynotaslikelytocomeuptoateacherorparentandsay,'EveryoneissayingI'maf**orI'mgay'...That'snotsomethingastraightkidoranykidwho'snotcomfortablewithidentityreallywantstobroadcast."

Culturemayalsoplayarole:Americanvictimstendtokeepbullyingsecrettoprotectthemselves,saidMasakiMatsunaga,aprofessorofcommunicationsatWasedaUniversityinTokyo.Theyfearotherpeoplewillrejectorblamethem.Ontheotherhand,Japanesebullyvictimskeepsecretstoprotectothers,Matsunagahasfound.Theyworrythatthisdisclosurewouldcausestressforthepersonthey'retelling.

Eitherway,Matsunagasaid,themethodofdrawingbullyingvictimsoutremainsthesame.

"Thebestapproachtosupportvictims,bothintheU.S.andJapan,andtoencouragethemtoopenup,istoshowempathyandaskabouttheirfeelingsinacaringtone,ratherthangivingadviceandsuggestionsaboutwhattodo,"Matsunagawroteinane-mailtoLiveScience.

Changingthesystem

Parentsshouldmakeapointofaskingtheirchildrenopen-endedquestionsabouttheirdaysandlisteningtotheresponses,saidtheUniversityofNebraska'sSwearer.Ifakidreportsbullying,Swearersaid,parentsshouldfocusonsolvingtheproblem,notexactingrevenge.[ReadBulliesonBullying:WhyWeDoIt]

"WhereIseethingsgoingsouthfastiswhenparentsmarchintotheschoolandthey'reirate,"shesaid."Itreallyendsupnothelpinganybody."

SwearerseesapositivetrendintheUnitedStatesofschoolsandstatesenactinganti-bullyingrulesandlaws.Still,shesaid,"attheindividualschoollevel,thereisquitealotofvariability"inhowseriouslybullyingistaken.

Thebestschoolshaveexplicitanti-bullyingpolicies,opencommunicationandaconfidentialsystemofreportingbullyingforstudents,Swearersaid.Giventhepopularity—andrelativeinvisibility—ofcyberbullying,shesaid,adultsneedtostayontopofwhat'shappeningwithkids.

"Itwouldbeniceifwecouldmovetoasystemwheretheadultsandkidsaretalkinginawaythatissolution-oriented,"Swearersaid."Ifwecouldbesmarteratthefrontendabouthowwe'redealingwiththis,we'dobviouslybebetteroff."

Forsome,however,theconvictionthatadultsturnablindeyetobullyingishardtoshake.McClunedidn'ttellhermotheraboutwhathappenedtoheruntilrecently.

"Shesaid,'IfIwouldhaveknownitwasthatbad,Iwouldhavedonesomethingaboutit,'"McClunesaid."Idon'tthinkshewouldhaveknownwhattodo."

*BehindBullying:WhyKidsAreSoCruel

*Understandingthe10MostDestructiveHumanBehaviors

*Fight,Fight,Fight:TheHistoryofHumanAggression